I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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