Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
