i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
