You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
