so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know