Sry I called you an 8
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night