is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
People Weigh In On Whether Itâ€™s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes