so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-