the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
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Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
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How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"