So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
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I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
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He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo