I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
