if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
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i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.