be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street