I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
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Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it