He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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