i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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