drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
