I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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