Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
They took my balls.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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