Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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