Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize