i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize