I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize