She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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