Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.