That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!