I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
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you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
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Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.