just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.