Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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