I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
