i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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