you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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