Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize