what if every blade of grass was a penis?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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