you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
