Please, let me fuck your mom
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
