Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You left your phone here
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