Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
