new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
