so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize