My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize