My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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