Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
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When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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