I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
