i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Randomize
