I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
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