pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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