Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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