dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
