omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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