Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
