There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
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I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
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Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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