And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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