omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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