you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize