Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
