i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Let's get the cat blown out
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
