I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
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I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
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He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Canadian or clown?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard