When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
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Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.