Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
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I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
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This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know