who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.