I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.