Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.