You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw