So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
