I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
